Bitable chunk...

I can't believe I haven't touched this blog for 9 days. It's been a long week.

I couldn't bring myself to posting; I wasn't doing well on the drinking side. Or on the not drinking side, should I say.

I went to see my psychiatrist on Monday. It was good. He recommended Campral.

Last week, I ended up having more 'bad' days. I had 4 drinking days in total, consuming 17.5 units worth alcohol. ... I would have thought it should be smaller than that. I didn't feel drinking anything! Considering the national recommendation is 14 units for women, 17.5 is already 'bad', though...

This week, so far I've had 2 drinking days. Especially yesterday was bad. I had 500ml of wine. Monday wasn't good either, considering I went to an off-licence on the way back from the psychiatrist's. It always happened when I went to see my clinical psychologist. On the way back home, I couldn't resist getting a bottle. Just as if I was free from guilt after meeting him. Just as if he had given me a permission by not dragging me up onto the wagon.

But I know I shouldn't punish myself for not being perfect. I should appreciate the improvement I'm making. 4 days of drinking are better than my usual 7 days. 17.5 units are better than my usual 60 units.

Cut the problem into a bitable size. That's what I have to do.

Hope I will be happy tomorrow.
Catties

Done

.. so I've failed. I opened the bottle of Chablis, and had a glass or two. I think it was about 300ml. Much less than my usual 750ml, but that's not the point.

I've drained the rest of the wine down the sink. But that's hardly the point.

My head is throbbing, with the actual alcohol in my system for the first time in the two days, as well as a huge guilt. But the worst bit is NOT the (instant) hangover or guilt; but "the shall I or shan't I" battle leading to the decision (or defeat).

What does this make me?

I'll finish my (v. late) dinner, and go to bed. Tomorrow will be another day.

New year, new me!

A happy new year to everyone who happens to be stopping over my blog at this minute, or those who will in the near future but don't know they will yet! It's 1st Jan 2007. It's the beginning of the new year. But as usual, it's gloomy outside...

IT'S DAY 3!!! I think it's almost 36 hours since I had my last drink. I can tell you it's been tough going. As I write this, I am really craving a nice chilly glass of my cava. Even talking about it makes me thirsty and slightly dizzy. Hope it's not a physical withdrawal symptom.

I also have a headache. Need some pain killers. It is most likely still to be my cold I got around 2 weeks ago. I had a most horrendous soar throat this Christmas. But addiction is an astonishing surviving creature. Even in the circumstance which was stretching my physical strengths to the limit, it did not give up even a bit.

I need to rewire my neural network.

May my 2007 be a free one.